GUAC ROCKS!

I took Monday off from work to re-cupe from a weekend road-trip. Seeing as how I'd be out of my normal routine and all, I wasn't concerned about a proper breakfast, lunch, etc. Plus I had to clean house. I would just snack on whatever was available throughout the day. Think I had:

Black coffee
1-granola bar
1/4 of a grilled cheeze sandwich
and EIGHT MILLION blue corn chips!!!

As the afternoon wore on... I discovered a package of guacomole in the lazy susan. "All-riiiight!! That'll add some swang to these blue chips! So... I had about EIGHT MILLION more blue chips and went through half that damn container of guac. SCOOP... CRUNCH... SCOOP... CRUNCH... Yup. That's how I spent the rest of my afternoon.

Then came dinner. Homemade chicken parm. It ROCKED too! Put that beotch over some pasta twirls, sauce it up and yer good to go. Of course, no Italian meal is complete without garlic toast, mind you. Yup. Had some-uh dat too!

I don't think I ended up doing the dishes that night. Good thing - 'cuz I might have had a repeat of an earlier episode (refer to previous blog entitled, "Everything BY the Kitchen Sink!"). Not long after sitting down at the table, the 'after dinner cramps' started talking... telling me that it's time to visit the bathroom. You know --- time to start winding down the day.

So, I move my bowels. Now... I'm not ashamed to admit that I check out the contents of the bowl before flushing. Well, how the hell ELSE are you supposed to know whether or not you have health problems, huh?!?!? So, I take a look. I immediately shriek: "AAAAAAAUUUGH!"
There, before my very own eyes... well - imagine for yourself. Imagine going to Dairy Queen and asking for a soft-serv cone. The jerk behind the counter asks, "Sure, sir... what flavor?" You reply, "GUACOMOLE!!!" That's EXACTLY what I saw in my toilet bowl!!! Not a TRACE of brown, I tell you! I started cracking up VERY LOUDLY, thinking of reactions from friends like Entropic Sauce and Metronun and Queer Baldy! This'd be right up their ass... I mean alley! I laffed too loud. From the living room, I hear my husband, "What's wrong?!?!?!" "Nuh-thiiiiiiiing..." I reply, thinkin' about goin' to grab some more blue chips for dippin' (EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!! OK, NO!!! Now THAT'S GROSS!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For Chrissakes!!!).

I eventually returned to the living room where my husband was. He asked what was so funny. I laughingly told him of the green contents. He replies, "And you think that's funny? That means you're sick!" I was like, "No, honey, I'm fine... I just had a bunch of guacamole this afternoon... THAT'S why it was green!!!" He just rolled his eyes and went back to watching TV.