Lunch Hour Defecation

Can I please, JUST ONCE, complete a lunch-hour shopping trip to Target without having to drop a deuce?!?!?! I mean, REALLY! Is there a bowel-movement-inducing, free-form, colorless, odorless gas flowing through Target's venilation ducts? 'Cuz I SWEAR, man...everytime! It's nuts...nuts, I tell you...NUTS!!!

What started off as a leisurely stroll, soon turned to anxiety-ridden glute-locked gait back and forth in the clearance section. After the next wave passed, I sauntered up to a Target Red-Shirt and politely queried: "Excuuuuse me? Where are your restrooms?" with a pleasant smile and doe-like eyes. Like I hadn't been to the Target restrooms before! But, in all honesty, my panic fever obliterated all memory and I was uncertain.

After receiving instructions, I casually pushed my cart in the right direction...picking up speed the closer I got. Once inside the stall, I felt guilty for not warning the two other occupants at the sink, encouraging their evacuation. Fortunately for them, they were on their way out. They were the lucky ones.

Finally. Peace and quiet. I've got the Target Crapper all to myself. Not for long. Entrez-TWO. And guess which stalls are chosen? Of all the vacant johnnies, both these women straddle either side of me! I looked at my hazy reflection in the stainless steel stall door, threw up my hands and ax'd, "What the FUCK?!?!?!" Then traffic really started pickin' up. Fortunately, I wasn't too noisy in my venture. But this one poor, POOR soul was makin' a beeline for my stall as soon as I exited and headed for the sink. Woe, woe is she!

When all was said and done...I got outta there with some good deals!).